Questions.

Is this more than a crush or am i addicted to the feeling of being in love? Can i really feel what i am feeling for someone i have never touched or kissed? Someone i have never hung out with, listened to music or talked philosophy with? Or is this something that transcends anything and everything that comes with the physical? Can i really be falling in love with her smile and the words that she allows me to read, even if i have never met her before? Is she what i always wanted? A literary genius with a broken heart that will put her trust in me? Why do i even question anything that is happening? Why can't i just ride the wave and just live this life? Why do i have to question this situation, no matter how unlikely it may seem?

Life is Weird.

It was one message that i got that made me think of her more for some reason. One little comment about me, what and the way that i write. One comment that told me that i was doing something right and that i shouldn't even think about changing my style.
She said the sweetest thing about what i do. The best comment i have ever had since my years finding my voice in high school. One comment that will stay with me forever and the comment that will grace the page of my opening page when my book finally comes out.
One comment that made her pass through my head randomly one day.
Without her knowing, the same happened to her. My kind words to her had sparked something in her heart and i too crossed her mind.
She is also the only woman in four years to say that i'm perfect... even tho i really am not.
And she lives miles away.

Work.

I work. Thirteen hours with two breaks. One half hour and a fifteen minute before my other co workers and i close the dining hall down.
i work till my knees hurt and my feet burn. I work till i start hearing my name being called in all directions. Sleep deprived because of my creativity and my thoughts that haunt me every single day. Tired and exhausted, but i still work.
I work till every student that comes in annoys me, till i want to rip the head off of everyone, including my supervisor who i respect more than anyone else that works with me.
I work till every request annoys me. Till i start to be afraid of not being able to find a broom or a dust pan, till i start having daymares about tables and chairs chasing me or falling on me.
I work till i start going even more insane than i am. Till the only thing that keeps me awake is the caffeine boost i get from cherry coke and coffee.
I work till i start to feel nothing at all. Till i'm delusional from the pain or the exhaustion.
Then, when everything is done and my group and i have exceeded the expectations of everyone in the building, i walk home.